home alone

It always amazed me when I was newly married that some girls could stay alone at night and sleep when their husbands were away.
I was not one of those girls.
My beloved did days, months and years of night shifts and while he did that . .
I stayed awake at night ..
waiting for morning to come.
I prayed for courage . . .
but while the little boys and I remained safe I was still fearful.

Almost seven years ago the night shifts abrubtly ended when my beloved hung up his Safeway smock for the last time and we became full time farmers.
The boys married and the two of us have slept peacefully ever since.

Last week . . .
my beloved was called away to the land of flatness and large steaks on a business trip.
I considered showing up at the grands house bag in hand . . .
but I needed to prove to myself that my fears from my youth were gone.

I prayed I'd be brave . .
and he prayed I'd be brave.

I asked others to pray that I would sleep peacefully . . .
even though it seemed humbling to admit this to my friends.

He called often to say that hotel rooms were not the same alone . . .
and I called to say that my snoring at night seemed to be fixed since no one complained.
He called to tell me about the food . . .
and I called to tell him about my dinner guests.
He called me to tell me about the weather . . .
I called to tell him about his forecast.
On the last day before he was due to arrive home .. .
I called to say there were storms brewing in his region.
He called to tell me they were grounded overnight because of tornados.
On Friday afternoon .. .
after one extra day delay . .
he was dropped off with his backpack slung over his shoulder.
He spent the next three hours on the mower breathing in the air of freshly mowed grass . .
and I happily set about fixing him some dinner.

It ended up being a very good week.
I don't need to do it again for a very long time.
Knowing that finally having just "barely" passed my year of jubilee .. .
 and now realizing that I have a bit .. .
just a bit of courage. . .
 I am very thankful.


  1. In the beginning, when my oldest kids were very young, I used too also panic when hubby went away...as the years have gone by the panic has decreased but I always feel that I'm just 'existing' and not completely whole until he walks in the door, puts down his bag and wraps his arms around me for a very long hug...then I'm complete again.

  2. You did it Lovella and I'm proud of you:) And glad to hear you won't need to do it again for a very long time.

  3. I can't imagine working that night shift and how hard it is one everyone. I'm so glad that you're farmers now and that you won't have to worry about a business trip for another year.

  4. I'm smiling, Lovella! You said it so well....and made me think back to a time I was anything but brave when I was 'home alone'.

    And I'm smiling at the Iowa menu! Why I am not surprised?

  5. You did it! Glad he got home safely and things are back to normal on the farm. I have never been good at staying alone. Kathy

  6. Well done Lovella! Nice to have the milestone behind you successfully...
    Hope we get some sunshine soon! :0)

  7. Psalm 4:8 (New International Version)

    "I will lie down and sleep in peace,
    for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."

  8. Oh Lovella i can totally relate. I barely get any sleep with Matt on graveyards. It's so hard. I am very thankful that he only has a few more weeks on the graveyard shift. I'm glad that Terry's back and you can sleep peacefully. ;)

  9. Didn't he have an adventure with such weather about?

    I've been curious over the years about girlfriends who have never spent a night alone in their entire life, girlfriends who find a night alone to be do-able but distressing,and then others like myself who hardly give it a second thought. I could understand the anxiety if there had been a threat or crisis at one point, but it just seems to be a curious mindset that doesn't seem to be due to anything in particular.

    I will say that after B. has been gone a couple of days it takes a night or two to get used to sharing bed space again!

  10. I can identify. I'm not one who would survive to well.
    It's amazing how we can still pull ourselves together and do it.
    You did well, in spite of all your events.

  11. When I have to stay home alone I do not like it. I sleep with the light on and the radio playing the old hymns through the night. But like you, I can't wait until he comes home. Love how you told this story, and the happy ending it had. I

  12. Good for you!! It's good to face new challenges and overcome old fears - keeps us supple in ways way beyond the physical.
    For the first twenty-five years of marriage The Great Dane was away for weeks and sometimes months at a time. It was always hard. The 'up side' though is that we had 25 years of honeymoons! Now I'm the one leaving for work - but sometimes, like this week, he's able to come with me and I sleep a whole lot better!

  13. My heart is warmed by the tenderness between the two of you. So endearing.
    I, too don't like to sleep alone.....unless he is keeping me from sleeping soundly due to horrendous snoring.
    All is fair in love and war I suppose.

  14. Oh Lovella - I remember too never sleeping well at all when I was young and Lando was away. I'd usually do some project with all the lights on during the night.

    Good for you and your courage. I can do it too now - but isn't having them come home wonderful?!

  15. I'm home alone this week. I did wake frequently a few nights ago when we had a very loud thunderstorm off and on all through the night! So far our week is going along all right, and sweet little Laura shares my bedroom so I've got a little company. :)


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