created by Him

I have no idea why I have loved this picture over the years. Perhaps it is because it is the only time we had a picture taken with Santa. Since there was no large department store in our small town we travelled to Vancouver to see Santa.
My brother Gerry is four years older than me and obviously far less intimidated by Santa. I can still remember walking up the slanted walkway to the end where he sat. I remember waiting in the line up feeling unsure that I wanted to go through with this risky business.
Life is funny isn't it? Looking back I wonder what I feared. I often wonder why I couldn't have been born with the optimistic layer of skin that others naturally have.
I know that I was made by the creator that makes no mistakes. I will always struggle with anxiety and perhaps even a bit of depression even in the happiest of times. What a blessing to know that my joy is in the Lord. I am unconditionally loved by the one who's love is perfect.
I have no idea what you are feeling or if you are struggling emotionally during this season of celebrating Christ's birth. If you are, you are likely suffering silently and will be stoic in public, knowing that it is not acceptable to "be down". I understand and it has been on my heart to share my own journey with you. Soon, I will.
I'll be away from posting for a few days, I'm preparing my heart and my home.
Have a wonderful day my friends.


  1. I think the holidays are hard for so many of us, in different ways. Thanks for "being real" and pointing us to Christ for joy in the midst of what can be a hard time.

  2. thank you for being open with your struggles. its so good to know we're not alone. a few tears of gratitude have slipped through & onto the keyboard. :)


  3. Oh my dear friend
    you are not alone that in this "happy season", the struggles of every day life is very real, pain doesn't go away just because it is Christmas. Christ came for all the tough stuff in our lives and that is a huge encouragement to me in this time.......for this He was born, died and rose again!!!
    thankyou for your honesty and allowing us to see your vulnerbility....(did i spell that BLESS YOU

  4. Oh Lovella I hope you are okay and know that it is alright to not be so okay all the time. I struggle with my own anxiety and depression too at times and as I get older it seems to get more often. I so understand and will miss you over the next few days. Love you lots.

  5. I've always been a bit on the shy side (in person), and very fearful a lot of times. I know what you mean about that part. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday with your family, and keep making Jesus the source of joy for your life! Merry Christmas!

  6. Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. Again, I am in awe of the beauty of your character.

  7. Just dropping you a line to say I love you. Ah yes! to prepare our hearts. That is a good thing, because when spending time with God we only gain. Blessing to you my friend. Kathy

  8. Maybe most of us deal with some anxiety at times, I know I do.
    I like what you said about preparing your heart this week, I also want to prepare my heart for this Christmas to be the most meaningful as we celebrate the birth of Jesus!
    Merry Christmas to you Lovella and your family.

  9. We'll miss you. But I know what you mean, you need to take time for all those new little ones that will be having their first Christmas and it's all about pacing. I am always working at that especially in the month of Dec. I always tell John, that it's like when he crops in summer.(he's on a mission) And that's how Christmas is for me...So many little things to think about.

    Looking forward to more of your story.

  10. Lovella,
    You look so cute there with Santa. Thanks for sharing from your heart. I can certainly identify with your feelings and I also wonder why they come when they do. I can't wait to read about your journey when you feel ready to share.

  11. Your comments in this post are much appreciated.

    I love the picture of you and your brother with Santa! (Somewhere there's one of me looking just as anxious.) ;>

    Happy preparations!

  12. Oh what the heck...go kidnap Gerry and just go ahead and get another picture taken with Santa.
    I'll bet Santa will be the one looking scared in the picture this time if you two do it.
    If Gerry won't go, just go by youself.

    Sing "Santa Baby" as you drive over to Vancouver, get the picture, frame it and give it to T., as you let him know that all you wanted from Santa WAS Mr. T, now and forever.

    I think Santa can deliver that wish!


    PS: Thanks for being so honest. The blues/depression/anxiety/sadness that often comes with Christmas and other happy times need to be addressed, and people need to understand they are not alone.

  13. I was so touched by your post. You so eloquently put into words what so many of us are feeling. Thank you. Take care of yourself and know you will be missed while you're away!


  14. Your picture is a great memory. I remember going to see Santa at the Eatons department store in our town...I recall excitement, but not anxiety. You are right...we are all created wonderfully unique. I have no phot of my visit though, so treasure yours. Thanks for sharing, Lovella...and I wish you a very blessed Christmas!

  15. I very much like Jill's idea.


  16. The holidays are the very worst time for depression... you really see it in Nursing Homes... the elderly people there get very depressed and the ... sometimes I think it is because we get homesick for our childhood days...
    when we are grown things never seem as exciting as they did when we were little...
    but your grandchild will help with that when they get a couple of years older...(I found that in my own life)
    Merry Christmas Lovella,

  17. Our local Methodist church is having a Blue Christmas service on Dec 22-the longest night of the year. The service targets those who are struggling with grief or depression or hard times, recognizing that the traditional cheery Christmas services can been very painful. Since it is the longest night of the year, the darkest time, the church hopes to have prayer and comfort given, and belief that little by little things will return to brighter times.
    I thought that was an incredibly sensitive act on the church's part.

  18. Thank you for having an open blog that is so real and genuine. I am one for whom Christmas is a terribly lonely hard time. I struggle to celebrate our Savior's birth without being consumed by my sense of aloneness in a world of couples, of children, of families who are full of believers and traditions and love. Your words were simple but hit my heart with encouragement to once again turn to Jesus.


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