Friday, January 5, 2007

twelve years

Tomorrow will be the 12th anniversary of the day my mom passed away. I was 35 years old and although I know that I was blessed to have a mom much longer than many others I know, it still seems that I was a bit young for a woman to lose her mom. She passed away quite unexpectedly and only my dad and I were able to be with her.
Since I have begun my new and sometimes insatiable hobby of blogging I know that there has been a curiosity and a bit of good natured jesting on my behalf. Why would a middle aged woman (I checked the dictionary to make sure I can claim to still be in this age bracket) begin to write down memories and mundane, sometimes trivial events for others peruse? Some have "outed" themselves as readers of my musings while others continue on in a perplexed state, wondering if this is another passing phase of Lovella's life. This thinking is not illogical since I have readily admitted that I too am amused, at myself.
The one thing that I keep coming back to is that while other people I know have contentiously and consistently recorded their life, all I have to offer is a stack of old calendars which at best record my social calendar and medical appointments.
I wish I could say that the nice stack of books you see above was mine but its not. My mom kept a diary for a good part of her adult life. She recorded my oldest brothers birth with the same pride and excitement that I now see in the young mothers blogs that I enjoy reading. I think that what they are offering is not only encouragement to each other and also to me but they are in essence recording for their families a history.
I have never read my mom's diaries cover to cover because they are private, and she never indicated that they were meant to be read. Neither will I destroy them because someday a future generation will be able to read them unaffected by my mom's personal thoughts. I think she knew this and so rather hand wrote 300 pages of her life story. It took her 4 years to write it and she died 7 months after it was completed. Although I'm sure it would have pleased her, she never pushed us to read her book and for her it was enough that she did what her heart compelled her to do.
Now, please, I don't want you to have any grim thoughts on my imminent future. I laughed yesterday after the recent scourging of the unnecessary clutter of my cupboards. If I keel over tomorrow at least there will be a few less bags to take to the dump.
So, what am I really saying in all this? Thank you mom for expressing yourself not only to hear your self think but for realizing that someday the things you recorded would be valued as a family history. I realize more and more how much I am like my mom, both the good and the bad. I daresay that if she would have had the opportunity, she would have been proud to be added into my "family, friends and favorites" link list and no doubt I would have perhaps inwardly groaned and chuckled. It's quite funny actually, history really does repeat itself. I think my mom would be proud of me.

7 comments:

  1. Lovella, I cannot believe that it is 12 years already since your Mom , my aunt, went to be with the Lord. And it is funny that you mentioned being like your Mom.. I have had the same thought recently. In a very good way. And I think leaving something of our life for our descendents to read is a valuable way of continuing to give.
    So blog on!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was beautiful. Thanks. I needed that. You Go Girl!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Re: Jesting about blogging.
    Just smile and remind them that blogging got you named "Person of the Year, 2006" by Time Magazine.
    And pointedly ask what they do with their free time, hmmm?

    Your mom's journal's will be an exceptional treasure when you are the age she was as she wrote. What a blessing that she wrote!

    My only family journal has been from my husband's madcap maternal grandmother. She wrote it at age 90, told it as she decided it should be told (fiction is much more interesting than truth, right?) and summed up her life by giving thanks, by name, for her only daughter, her three grandkids, and her seven great grand kids (the wild ones.)
    She had nine greats--our two God fearing kids were conspicuously absent. What a hoot!

    ReplyDelete
  4. God gave us memories that we might have roses in December. ~J.M. Barrie, Courage, 1922 .

    I guess January works too. I hope that this day is filled with beautiful fragrant memories of your Mom.

    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I KNOW she would be proud of you! I understand your feelings...I was 33 when my mom died, and even something as small as her handwritten note to me in the Mennonite Treasury she gave me as a shower gift is SO significant to me. I agree, we were too young to lose our Moms when we did!! And even though I realize they have a different perspective now, it feels like they have missed out on so much of our lives. There is, however, something rather wonderful about remembering them as younger women, especially as we come to realize how much like them we are becoming :) All this to say, I feel your heart today.
    Vange

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a beautiful tribute to your mother! thanks for sharing-it touched my heart. :) and i always enjoy your pictures and daily thoughts! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I loved this post. I loved it so much that I was at a dinner party the other night and had to tell everyone about it and it made for a great conversation about mothers, privacy, keeping a journal and blogging! For some reason I have a hard time keeping up on my journal entries, but blogging seems so much easier. I love reading your entries and hope you always keep them up.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you!